5 Ways to Save On Your Wedding Reception Drinks

One of the highest costs of most wedding receptions is the bill for drinks. You can save money in lots of ways, whether you're supplying your own alcohol, having an open bar, or paying for corkage through your venue. Here are the top five ways to save money on reception drinks.

1. Have a bar

When you have a bar at your reception, limit how much you spend on alcohol. The bartender will let your guests put drinks on your tab until you reach the limit, after which point they'll need to pay for their own drinks.

You can contact the manager at the venue you're using or if you’re doing your own thing, ask a local bar to set up a bar at your reception.

2. Figure out the corkage costs

Bringing your own wine and champagne can be a money-saver, but make sure you know the corkage costs. Buying cheaper wine could end up saving you no money at all once the venue adds corkage, so sometimes it's easier and maybe even cheaper to buy drinks through the venue.

3. Think of creative ways to negotiate corkage

Most venues make their profits off from alcohol, so corkage costs on beer and wine can be very high. Bringing the drinks yourself will probably cause the venue to add a lot of corkage so they can still profit. If this happens to you, try something creative.

Figure out exactly how corkage is charged. Wine may be charged differently from champagne and spirits, and different sized bottles may have different costs. Once you know all this, you may be able to find a creative way to pare down the corkage costs.

One way to do this might be to buy big bottles of wine or magnums of champagne because the fewer bottles you use, the lower the corkage will be. You can even have a cocktail hour, as this also means you'll open less bottles. Besides, cocktails are interesting and different from most receptions.

4. Sale and return

Many wine merchants, such as Majestic Wine, and supermarkets, like Sainsburys, Tesco, and Waitrose, will allow you to buy plenty of wine and then return the unopened bottles. This way, you don't have to pay for alcohol you didn't use. You may even get free glass hire thrown in.

5. Limit the drink options

Lots of choices at the bar costs lots of money, so limit how many types of drinks you will serve. If you have a full bar set up, you'll have to open lots of different bottles, and you may not even use more than a bit of each. Unless you limit the spirits that are used at the bar, people will ask for all kinds of off-the-wall drinks, and your bill at the end of the night will be out of your budget.

One creative way to limit options without seeming stingy is to create a signature drink for your reception. A cocktail or punch can stretch the alcohol a bit further, and you can also simply offer wines and beers for the whole evening. Less variety means a lower drinks bill.

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Important Steps to Getting Over a Married Man

Any woman who has been involved in an affair will tell you that getting over someone married is not as easy as it may seem. Many girls get involved with married men when they know that they will not be in a relationship forever. However, this does not make it any easier when the time finally comes when you have to part ways with the married man you were involved with. You should therefore be aware of some of the necessary steps to getting over a married man so that you can manage to get on with your own life.

The following are some of the measures that will help you in getting over a married man and be able to form a more stable relationship later in life.

Avoid any romantic relationships for a while

While this step is important when you are dealing with the break-up of any type of romantic relationship, it is even more important when you are dealing with getting over a married man. You should stop getting involved with any other guy for the time being. During this time, you should determine what you would really like to get in a guy.

What were the things that drew you to the married man?

There are very many reasons that drive girls to start relationships with married men, and you should determine what your real reasons were. For instance, it could simply be that you enjoyed the challenge that such a relationship brought. Or it could be that you wanted the security of someone who could not make any serious commitment. Could it be that you truly loved him? Understanding the underlying reason will help you in getting over a married man more easily.

Determine what a relationship means to you

Relationship involves two people, and you need to find out the things that you would like to get in a relationship. This is something that you need to deal with in order to help you in getting over a married man and in forming another relationship later on. You will have better chances of success.

Enjoy your time alone

Although any romantic relationship is emotionally taxing, it is more so when you are dealing with getting over a married man. For instance, it is easier to receive the support of the people who are close to you if you break up with a single guy. However, since some of your friends and family members will frown upon your relationship with a married man in the first place, the needed support will be difficult to come by. Even if they did not know of the relationship, you will most likely feel guilty about sharing your 'little secret'.

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Marriage Counseling - Advice On How To Save Your Marriage & Fix Your Relationship

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Recovering From Infidelity - How To Get Over Being Angry At Your Spouse For Cheating

It's devastating to find out that the person you love has stepped outside the marriage and had an affair. Understandably you feel anger and resentment toward your spouse for betraying you, and you have every right to your angry feelings. Anger has its place, but left uncontrolled it can create more problems for you and your marriage. That is why breaking the cycle of anger in your relationship is so important when you are recovering from infidelity in your marriage.

Before you even begin to learn how to cope with and manage your angry feelings, you first need to explore why you are holding on to your anger in the first place. Is it because you want your cheating spouse to know how much he has hurt you? Or perhaps you want him to accept full responsibility for the pain his behavior caused and for him to be genuinely remorseful about it? This is not asking too much, after all you were made to look like a fool and so you want assurances from your spouse that this is not going to happen again.

But continually being angry with your spouse is not going to move you forward toward healing your relationship and recovering from infidelity. In fact it will have the opposite effect because your spouse will become defensive, withdraw and most likely attack you back. Agreed that it was your spouse who behaved in just an abominable manner, but if you decide to stay with him and rebuild your marriage, then you have to learn how to manage those angry feelings.

At the same time you just can't pretend that everything is peachy in your marriage. So you have to find ways to express your hurt. You need to be able to communicate your pain to your spouse by opening and maintaining the lines of communication with him. Meaning that you have to put your hurt feelings and your resentments out there without blaming your spouse. This is not going to be easy and you may find that you need the help of an objective third party like a marriage counselor to get going.

Recovering from infidelity is a very complex issue, and that is why most of the time you need some type of outside help to get through it successfully. Anger and resentment are not going to go away by themselves. You have to actively work at letting go of your feelings.

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The Many Benefits Of Marriage

Singles enter into marriage for many reasons. One of the major reasons is love. However, many people enter into marriage because of other reasons which are basically benefits of marriage. You have a lot to gain with a married status. There are legal benefits, emotional as well as economic benefits. On economic benefits, when you sign the marriage certificate, you become entitled to properties and assets of your partner. Therefore, it can be a way to acquire so much without ever working for it. If you get married to a person who is rich, you will definitely upgrade your status. It does not matter whether you signed a prenuptial agreement or not. The fact that you are enjoying daily comforts is an enough benefit. Economic benefits of marriage have led many singles to be choosy when it comes to marriage. Many have gone into marriage for this reason alone. Everyone has the right to choose the partner they marry and, if they happen to be economically sound, count you lucky. Away from material things, there are emotional benefits of marriage. This falls in the category of love and companionship.

When you know that you can count on someone to be there for you, you get a lot of confidence in life. This is mainly because man was created to be a social being. The need to love and be loved is great and, for our joy to be full we get married to the people we cherish. This has got to be one of the most significant benefits of marriage. The other benefit is the ability to bring up children in the best way. Children brought up in a family with a mother or father will grow up in the ideal way. There are so many single parents who would wish this for their children. Therefore, marriage is a benefit in this sense. Sex is a factor that we should consider. Christians and other religious groups raise their singles to recognize legal sex as belonging to the institution of marriage. Therefore, when they get married, they get to enjoy this right which they benefit from. Many people get married for intimacy and there is nothing wrong with this.

There are a host of legal benefits that come your way when you are married. Married couples in the United States have the right to the following. Joint parenting, joint adoption, joint insurance policies, inheritance where there is no will, domestic violence protection and many others. In total, married people have 1,400 state and federal rights and benefits. Therefore, if you are the kind of person who does not regard marriage, think of all the benefits and, you might change your mind. Also, there are positions at certain working places that can only be filled by married people. It adds on to your personality and character. For example, imagine Barrack Obama promising to address issues of average families, if he was single. The fact that he has a family makes many Americans relate and appreciate him more. When you find the right person to marry, go for it; you have a lot to gain.

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How To Save My Marriage - Learn How To Save Your Marriage

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Children's Discipline: How To Resolve Divorce Parenting Differences?

Did you know that inconsistency on matters of discipline gives double messages, produces anxiety and can be very confusing to your children? Children need to know where they stand in their behaviors. It is therefore critical for parents to resolve their differences in matters of children's discipline.

Since divorce parents leave on a separate house, they often differ in their rules and expectations for their children. People tend to view individual differences in terms of right and wrong. The adage holds: "If you are not with me, you are against me." In marriage, people call it incompatibility. In divorce, these differences sometimes resulted to expensive litigation, each trying to force the other to change and stop being different.

The matter of disciplining children can be the source of conflict among divorce parents. Each parent has different ideas as to what the appropriate discipline should be. Each viewed the other's proposal of disciplining as wrong. The consequences of their dispute were that there was ineffective or no discipline at all.

To turn differences into a unified discipline, parents should resolve the differences according to children's best interest. They can adopt the approach as listed below:

1. Make an agreement with your former spouse on what is realistically expected for your children. These should be based on the children's age, their temperament, their ability to follow directions, and the divorce structure of the family.

2. Come to some meeting of the minds on what values are highest priorities for each and on which behaviors you both agree are important to nurture in your children.

3. Discuss with your former spouse your preferences for discipline to see if there is an opportunity for consistency across households.

4. In areas where there is an opportunity for consistency across households, make an agreement with your former spouse that whatever approaches are agreed upon, both of you will be consistently using the same when the children are with you.

5. Write the agreements down, review them and be sure they are workable.

6. In areas in which you differ, find a compromise that you both can live with and stick by it.

7. Set clear expectations for the children at each home. Explain to the children that there are certain rules at mom's house and certain rules at dad's house.

8. Never argue in the front of the children about disagreements in discipline approaches.

Help your children know where they stand in their behaviors. Get resolve your differences in matters of children's discipline. Support each other.

Copyright by Ruben Francia. All Rights Reserved.

Publishing Rights: You have permission to publish this article electronically, in print, in your ebook or on your website, free of charge, as long as the author's information and web link are included at the bottom of the article. The web link should be active when the article is reprinted on a web site or in an email. Minor edits and alterations are acceptable so long as they do not distort or change the content of the article.

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The (Super) Low-Budget Wedding Reception

You may have started out with what you thought was a reasonable wedding budget, but quickly discovered that it wasn’t enough, leaving you raiding your savings to make up the shortfall. But you can have a low budget wedding without demolishing your savings or leaving you drowning in debt.

Firstly, planning the wedding yourselves will save you a huge chunk of cash. Hiring a wedding planner or coordinator can be very expensive, so ask yourselves if they can achieve anything that you yourselves cannot. Keeping a record of all your wedding planning will also make for a lovely family keepsake in years to come. You can gain huge satisfaction from the fact that you have created your dream wedding, from favors to flowers & cake to catering, all yourselves.

Producing a super-low budget wedding can take time & energy & a lot of creativity on your part, but you will reap the rewards when you realize the huge amount of money you have saved. This can then be invested in something more permanent in your lives, such as a house deposit or new car.

Having a lower budget doesn’t mean that your costs will break any different to having a pricier ‘do’. There will still be scope to save money in every element of your wedding, but in order to do this you must do one thing - avoid the grand, formal wedding.

So where do you begin to cut costs? Firstly you should realize what the most important part of the day is to you both. This should be the ceremony & the actual ‘getting married’ part. If it isn’t then I would seriously think about whether or not getting married is right for you both! One way you could reduce costs quite significantly is to forgo the wedding reception & instead have an intimate dinner party with family & friends after a simple civil ceremony. Plan to renew your wedding vows in the future & at a time when you could afford a larger, more formal affair. Renewing your vows is a popular trend at the moment & it would be a very romantic way to mark a milestone or anniversary in your relationship. I would suggest you seriously consider this, particularly if you are footing the entire wedding bill yourselves & the idea of beginning married life saddled with debt horrifies you.

However, for many their wedding is the biggest day of their lives & they want to splurge on a big day. So if you’re budget is saying ginger beer rather than fine champagne then you will need to conjure up some magic if you don’t want to break your budget. If you’re prepared to try every trick in the book then here’s an idea that could save you a fortune.

Focus on the Venue

An extravagant wedding reception will break your budget on its own, if you are not careful & rein your idea in. One of the most obvious ways to save money would be to edit the guest list down. You may also discover that your choice of venue will cost you a hefty sum, especially when all the essential ‘extras’ are added to the bill. Take some time to find & secure a venue that is free or as good as (after taking into account rental costs for chairs, tables etc).

Examples of a ‘free’ location would be your home or if that isn’t big enough, that of a family member or close friend. Another option would be hiring a church or community hall. These are usually very cheap to rent & can provide you with adequate kitchen facilities for preparing & serving food.

Ask around local eateries & see if they will offer a low cost wedding reception package. These could include food & a limited amount of beverage, or rental of a function room with the option of a reception package.

Your venue will the key to saving a large portion of your budget, so it will pay to thoroughly research all your options. Ask family & friends for recommendations, check out the internet & local press. Look at unusual venues such as gardens, museums & vineyards as they may be able to offer you a low cost reception package.

Keep a record of all your findings, including the venue, package options & cost. This way you will be able to work out which venue will offer you the best package for your money. Remember, the cheapest option may not be the best. Paying a little extra could get you twice as much as the cheapest option was offering.

Beating the Biggest Budget-Buster of All

Sadly, in today’s world the mention of one of two words is likely to push costs sky high - they are wedding & baby. Commercialism is a massive part of the wedding industry today, with the majority of vendors hiking their prices for weddings because they assume you will naturally want to spend a huge amount of cash for such a special occasion. Often this means that you will actually be paying over the odds for something. Test my theory out by contacting a large venue & asking about their wedding reception packages, then ring back & ask about packages for a milestone birthday party. I bet the packages are virtually identical with the exception of the price!

An example of this is the catering for your wedding. The cost of feeding your guests can be more than the hire of the venue itself, so getting a good deal here & cutting the cost down is really a must.

However, a few ham sandwiches & cocktail sausages will not suffice. Your guests will more likely leave before the speeches & will slate your wedding day for all eternity! One solution for those with a minute budget is to throw a potluck reception. In essence you ask your guests to bring along a dish instead of a wedding gift. It may sound absurd, but a potluck reception was once quite the done thing & is more traditional than the bride & groom forking out for expensive catering & 3 course menus. They are also the best way to throw a fabulous party & have your guests leave feeling sustained.

If you are somewhat embarrassed about asking your guests to ‘feed themselves’ then dress it up as the ‘Old Time, Traditional Wedding Celebration’. This naturally suits a potluck reception & no-one would think to question it.

Continue the theme in your decorations, flowers & favors, look to the 1920’s, 30’s or 50’s which are all in vogue at the moment, but fit the traditional theme nicely.

So how do you go about asking your guests to bring a dish with them? Well, you could slip a note in with the invitation, such as this:

Our reception will be an “Old Time Traditional Celebration” with a potluck dinner.

____ Please check here if you would like to bring a dish for the reception in place of a wedding gift.

We kindly request a call for dish suggestions.

Ask them to call you & let you know what dish they plan to bring. This way you will still have some say over the menu & can avoid any over duplicating on dishes. Incidentally, no one is obliged to participate but you could be surprised by how many will. It is also likely that many of your guests will go to town & will create some fabulous, unusual & extravagant dishes to grace your tables. You may also find an element of competition arising between guests, as to who produces the best & most talked about dish on the day! Just make sure it doesn’t get out of hand!

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★ Marriage Help for Men to Save Marriage and stop divorce ★

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Relationship Advice: The Danger of the Routine

Remember the early days of your dating relationship? What a time you both had. It seemed like every moment you got together it was music, fun and excitement. Some of your family and friends even hated to see you coming because the two of you were so into each other it made people nauseous. You are probably right when you say they were just jealous. And guess what? Neither one of you could have cared less. The relationship was fresh, spontaneous and exhilarating.

And then it happened. You cannot quite put your finger on when exactly it took place but it happened. Whether it occurred sometime after you got married or six months into your dating relationship is inconsequential. All you know is the music, fun and excitement went on permanent vacation. What took their place? The routine.

One of the mains reasons many couples get blind sided by the routine is the seduction of familiarity. You naturally want to become well acquainted with the other person in the hopes that it leads to greater intimacy between the two of you. That is the point of relationships. Unfortunately, familiarity also inspires a certain amount of self-satisfaction. In other words consciously or unconsciously, many couples tell themselves the prize has been won so there is no need to continue the game.

While some people do not consider this a big deal, in essence it is a planted seed that can spell trouble somewhere down the road. It is only a hop, skip and a jump from familiarity to routine to dissatisfaction.

Now there is no question that your relationship is going to have certain amount of routine due, in some part to circumstances beyond your control; for instance your work schedules may only allow the two of you to get together on specific days and times. However there are things you can do to keep the relationship fresh:

1. The Thrill of the Impulsive

When your relationship was just starting out, spontaneity ruled. The two of you did not even think twice about hopping into a car and going to places you had never been or trying out a new restaurant with food you never heard of. There was something thrilling and wonderful about not knowing what you were getting into yet still having the courage to explore anyway.

Routine tells you to be rational and self conscious. What if people are looking or you run into someone you both know? The answer is "who cares?" Sure being spontaneous may not work out every time but do it anyway and go with the flow. Unplanned adventures big or little have a way of adding excitement and in many cases some serious laughs to the relationship which is very healthy and great way to reconnect.

2. It is Not Your Birthday

Or anniversary or any other major routine event but do not let that stop you from buying small gifts for each other. In fact you can just as easily create your own special days. It could be the anniversary of your third date or the time you both laughed through the worst movie you ever saw. Occasionally giving a small gift for no particular reason lets the other person know that they are always in your heart.

3. Date Again

Not just going out to dinner either because that also can become routine. Instead plan a time outside of your normal schedules and treat it like you did during the early days of the relationship. Get yourselves spruced up. Go at it with the mindset that you are making every effort to make a good impression. Having a special time together at least once a week can throw a beautiful monkey wrench into the routine machine. .

It is nothing out of the ordinary for a relationship to lose some of its zing over time. The problem comes when couples accept the routine as normal and do not do anything to restore the excitement and unpredictability they once had. You can always reverse the process by being spontaneous, give small gifts for no reason other than to let the other person know you love them and start dating again like it is the first time. This all requires constant effort but the payoff of an exciting relationship is well worth it.

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How to save my Marriage after I Cheated advice for Men

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How To Tell If Your Wife Is Cheating � 4 Simple Ways How To Tell If Your Wife Is Cheating

There are a few simple ways how to tell your wife is cheating. You don't have to jump through hoops or become a super sleuth in order to get through to the truth of the matter.

Then, why does it seem so hard for some men to figure out their wives are cheating if it's really so simple to find out? To be perfectly honest, it's because there are a lot of men who don't really want to know their wives are cheating on them. If you're one of these men you may ask how to tell your wife is cheating but you're not really going to take the steps or ask the questions to find out for sure because you're just not ready to hear the truth.

If you really want to know how to tell if your wife is cheating, these are the signs you need to look for.

1) Your wife has started coming home from shopping trips empty handed. Guys, there aren't many powers on earth that will have your wife leave a shopping trip without at least a pair of shoes to show for her efforts. If she's suddenly going on shopping trips and not bringing home a few goodies from the excursion, the odds are good that she's been doing something other than shopping. Since she's not being honest about what she is doing, it's fairly safe to assume the worst.

2) She's stopped inviting you to go with her whenever she leaves the house. Most wives enjoy the company of their husbands and many of them aren't all that interested in shopping, going to movies, or even visiting museums alone. If your wife suddenly sprouts the wings of an independent streak and doesn't seem to want you coming along there might be a little something for you to worry about.

3) Has she changed her phone habits? If your wife is like many women, her cell phone may at times seem to be perma-glued to her ears. If she isn't talking, she seems to be texting. The problems arise when her habits change and she stops hiding her cell phone activity from you. Is she leaving the room to take calls? Is she covering up and hiding text messages and/or erasing them immediately? This is yet another signs of a cheating wife.

It isn't always the difficult things that reveal the truth. Sometimes it's the little things, like these, that are the simplest ways how to tell your wife is cheating.

You don't have to lose your wife after she's cheated on you. I have made a video just for you that shows what you need to do to get your ex back if you have.

Please watch my free video: http://www.getyourexbacknow.com/just_break_up3.html that explains exactly what you need to do to save your marriage.

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Remarriage Can Be Magic

Remarriage is tricky. Actually, marriage of any kind is tricky. To have a healthy marriage or remarriage, you need to develop many skills and have great determination to succeed.

Remarriage, though, has far more challenges than a first marriage. The good news, though, is that if you can get past those challenges, remarriage can be magic!

Here are five ways you can create a magical remarriage.

1. Remarriages often don’t work because of all the baggage that the couple brings into the marriage with them. A person who has been divorced usually has more hurt, anger and fear than a person who is getting married for the first time. A person whose spouse has died, has grief and often guilt or anger to contend with. All of this emotion comes into the new marriage right along with the couple.

To have a great remarriage, you need to be aware of the baggage as you go into your new marriage, and you need to accept it. Awareness and acceptance combined have amazing powers to heal. Start with awareness and acceptance, and you can resolve old emotional issues to pave the way for a great remarriage.

2, Second marriages often include children from previous marriages or relationships. These children can cause problems in remarriage, but they don’t have to. Although parenting someone else’s child can be one of life’s biggest challenges, it can be done. And it can also be fun.

The trick is to know ahead of time, before the second marriage, how you’re going to handle the logistics of joint parenting with an ex. Include the children in this discussion. Be clear on what everyone’s expectations are—know what the stepparent wants and can do, what the parent wants and can do, and what the children want and can do. When you lay out a family plan, you can create a wonderful blended family.

3. Ex spouses can be an obstacle to successful remarriage. If a previous divorce wasn’t amiable, an ex-spouses resentment can create all kinds of problems for a second or third marriage. Ex spouses can file lawsuits accusing all kinds of manufactured crimes, they can demand money, and they can poison children with their hatred and anger.

To keep an ex from ruining your second marriage, first, be sure you have the resources to have a good lawyer at your disposal. Second, make sure your new spouse knows what to expect from the ex. Third, do everything possible to diffuse your ex’s anger. Don’t engage in rehashing of your ended marriage. Avoid engaging in shouting matches with an ex. Allow your ex to feel what he or she feels and simply focus on dealing with whatever issue is at hand; leave old issues where they belong—in the past. When you do all of this, you can leave your ex-spouse out of the picture and focus on a great remarriage.

4. To have a wonderful remarriage, you need to keep your focus on THIS marriage, not on past ones. When you’ve been married before, you have a benchmark of marriage in mind. If the last marriage was awful, that benchmark won’t cause much problem.

If your previous marriage was good in any way, however, you might find yourself comparing your new spouse to your old spouse. Don’t do this. Telling your new spouse, for example, that he isn’t as good in bed as an ex is a surefire way of killing a second marriage. Telling a spouse that he doesn’t drive as well, cook as well, think as well, or do anything as well as a previous spouse dooms remarriage to failure.

Don’t EVER compare your current spouse to a previous one. In ANY way. In fact, you’ll do best if you don’t discuss a previous spouse at all unless you mention him or her in passing when sharing a memory of being someplace or doing something. To create a magical remarriage, think only about the remarriage.

Keep these tips in mind, and you can have a happy and successful, perhaps even magical, remarriage.

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Stop my Divorce and Save my Marriage Today

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Why Do We Hurt Those We Love Most And How To Stop This

You love each other but can’t manage to communicate without arguing, fighting and ending up exhausted, each one in his corner, trying to lick his wounds and thinking of how to protect one self against a new attack. And in spite of that…you love each other? How is this possible? Why do people hurt most those they love?

How come we can’t express our love? How come we are full of good intentions but when it comes to reality we find ourselves again shouting and blaming the other one. And then that monster of guilt jumps out of nowhere to our throat to strangle us once again.

How to stop this infernal behavior?

First let me explain why this happens.

We all need energy. We need energy to live and to survive. Energy comes in many forms : love, attention, interest, food, friendship, money, approval, recognition…

We all need this to feel good, to build our personality and to find our place in society.

But here it is : as long as we think this energy has to come from other human beings, we will get caught up in struggle. Because human energy is limited. We have to fight for it. Human energy doesn’t last. There isn’t enough of it. So we have to be the quickest, the smartest, the most beautiful one, to attract the attention from the other and to pull his energy.

If this doesn’t work, we try another strategy. We try to pull attention by negative behavior. Every child learns this very quickly in his early life : when he is playing quietly on the floor with his toys, mum goes on cooking dinner or talking with daddy. But as soon as the kid hurts his little sister or is playing “sick”, mums hurries to give attention to him. She shouts maybe, she’s angry or worried, but no matter, all this is attention for the child! He learns very quickly which behavior gives him the greatest amount of attention and energy. When his mother or father looks at him, even angry, it still is energy coming his way! When they shout at him, they give him energy. Negative energy, alright, but it is better than no energy at all.

When we grow up, and start to date, we discover a very interesting phenomenon : when we fall in love, we receive a lot of energy (read : attention, interest, time, love etc.) for free. The other person gives us freely and abundantly a whole bunch of energy. We don’t even have to ask for it, we don’t need to apply any strategy to pick this energy, it’s all for free! We let go of our mechanism to pull the energy of others towards us. We loosen up. We “fall” in love. We almost literally fly. We are high! Everything seems to have more colour, is more vivid, we feel lighter, life seems easy, everything goes by itself, we have the feeling we love everybody and everything, even our grunchy boss! Nothing can hurt us, we feel safe and boosted with energy. But this is his or her energy! We are flying on someone else’s energy, and human energy is limited!

And that is exactly the problem! This stream of free energy begins to slow down, because the other one goes back to his business and activities he had before. Why? The body is not able to handle this amount of adrenaline for a long period of time, they say… but the real reason is we need to learn to pull our energy from somewhere else, not from a human being but from the source of energy itself.

So our lover gives us less free energy than before. We were used to this energy-flow and now we have to do it again by ourselves! Free energy is so much easier! We don’t have to do any effort to get it! And now we are getting less of this free energy, we don’t want to let this happen. At this moment our old childhood-system of capturing energy is triggered because of the scarcity of energy (there is an alarm inside us that says : “Danger! Lack of energy!”) and the old mechanism to capture energy from others starts running in our head and in our behavior. The mechanism that worked when we were a child to get the energy of our parents, will be triggered by the lack of energy now. We do what we did as a child to get energy flowing our way.

We can do this by playing the victim (“Oh poor me, look at all that I do and nobody is grateful! Look how good I am and still life strikes me with disapproval, disease and misery! Oh oh oh!”). Or we get attention by being aggressive, shouting and trying to dominate the other one. A third mechanism is harassing the other one by asking too many questions and controlling him. A fourth system is playing silence, refusing contact, not to speak and not to react, so the other one will do whatever he can to get in contact with you again and this will give you his energy.

These systems will of course make the energy of the other one flowing your way. But what next? The other one is now low on energy and wants to get his energy back. So now his mechanism is triggered by his lack of energy. He will now use the system that assured him the energy of his parents when he was little, to get his energy back from you. He will either shout at you, either playing the poor one that didn’t deserve your treatment, either torture you with a bunch of questions, or refuse contact.

This explains why we hurt the ones we love. First reason is we want their energy, energy they gave once for free. We hurt our loved onces most because they gave us love and energy and attention for free in the beginning and now we have to do it on our own and we are angry and want get back to them. We think we are entitled to have their energy still for free and start our mechanism to get it. Second reason we hurt them most is because of convenience : they are always around, their energy is available so when we are low on energy we try to rip their energy off, and hurt them by doing that.

Stealing energy from another human being is hurting him.

What can we do about this? We should only be in contact with other people when we are sure to be already filled up with energy, so we won’t steal theirs. When we are full of energy, and conscious of what happens between people, we can give the other one energy instead of ripping him off. We should not meet each other when we are low on energy. It’s the responsibility of each and every person to generate energy by himself and not to depend on other people.

How to do that? By connecting to the energy that is always available. That is the energy of the Universe. The easiest way to connect to this energy is contemplate the beauty of a flower. You also can contemplate the beauty of an object or a person. You can listen to beautiful music, take a walk in nature, meditate, pray, dance, paint, read positive texts, work on your mission on earth, love your cat or dog, anything that gives you energy.

Make a list of every activity and behavior that increases your energy level. As soon as you feel you’re in a conflict with your partner, boss, child, parent or whoever, do something to get yourself together and raise your energy. Don’t say anything until your energy-level is again high enough to be able to send energy to the other one. By sending energy, you are sure not to steal energy from the other one. This is an act of love. If you are not able to get your energy level any higher, go to another place, do something for you and wait until your vibrations are high enough to meet the other one again.

The important thing in a relationship is not to make the other happy or to expect the other one to make you happy, but to make yourself happy and offer this happiness as a free gift to the other!

Loving another human being is giving him energy! See the difference? Do you want to love your loved ones or steal their energy?

Copyright 2006 Ineke Van Lint

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Tips For Better Love Making - The Top 5 Erogenous Zones of a Female

If you're floundering in the bedroom and your girlfriend is moaning for all the wrong reasons, these tips will point you in the right direction.

Gentlemen! If you want to get your girl moaning for real instead of faking it, you're going to have to put a bit of work in. Firstly, a male can achieve orgasm within 2 - 3 minutes when stimulated by another partner. Where as a female can take up to 15 minutes to climax.

If you know for a fact that you can't keep going for that long by pure intercourse alone (and lets face it, if you're doing that, you're having sex, not making love) then you are going to have to stimulate her body with foreplay instead.

Now before you panic and freak out, all of this can be done with your tongue and hands. I guarantee you will become a better lover in the bedroom AND you really will give her orgasm after orgasm.

The top 5 female erogenous zones

The neck

Apart from being sexy and attractive, the female neck is perhaps one of the most sensitive areas of her body. Softly kissing this area from her shoulder to below her ear (while at the same time massaging it with your tongue will send tingles and pulses up and down her spine. Keep at it and she will be breathing heavily in a very short period of time.

The ear lobes

Sucking ear lobes isn't for everyone. Some girls get the tickles when you do it but others simply adore it. While you're there you can whisper sweet nothings in her ear. Close facial contact is what she likes so this is a good way to do it if you're fed up with kissing on the lips. Also massaging her ear lobes with your fingers from time to time can be very soothing.

The nipples

On a par with the neck for sensitivity, the female nipples become hard and sit up right when stimulated with your tongue. Don't forget to give both breasts even attention and also kiss down in between her breasts as you work your way between both of them. If she hasn't grabbed your head by this stage and held it into her bosom, something's badly wrong.

The belly button

Working your way down her body, the belly button is another area you should stimulate before full intercourse. Kissing this area with your lips and tongue will cause vibrations that will vibrate through her reproductive area and begin to stimulate her G spot.

The G Spot

Ah the G spot. This holy grail legend of the female anatomy can be tricky to find. So if the chance arises, ask her if she has already found her G spot and let her point you in the right direction.

As a general guide, most female G spots can be found on the roof of the vagina (that's the side closest to her stomach.). It's about the size and shape of a 2 pence coin and can be found about 4 inches in.

Extreme caution should be taken when stimulating this area with your tongue or fingers as a female can quite literally lose control of her limbs. Don't be surprised if you get kneed in the face or get elbowed as she moans in ecstasy. It should also be noted that not all females have a G spot, so don't be alarmed if you both can't find it. As you have seen there are plenty of other areas of the female body that can be stimulated in the art of love making in order to help her climax.

Doing a combination of all these things will leave her begging for more and you will be a better lover for it. Experimentation is the key to find out what works and what doesn't as everyone is not the same.

As you can see, a true female orgasm involves the stimulation of her whole body and not just simple penetration. Taking the time to show care and attention to her needs will put you so far above any other lovers, she may have had that you may find it tricky escaping from the bed. I know I have ;-)

I hope this article helps your love life get back on track and that you become better and more confident at making love and not just having sex. Above all else, if you want to become a better lover, ask your partner what they like and what they want you to do to them. Not only will you help them get their rocks off quicker, you'll also show that you are thinking about their needs and they in turn will think about yours. This will create a much better experience than if both parties are concentrating on what each can get out of the experience in a very selfish way.

Until next time.

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What Does Your Man REALLY Want?

If there is one question for which every woman wants an answer is what men want. This question crops up in the mind of every woman be it be a teenager going on her first date; a newly wedded wife getting ready for her husband to return from work; a single woman waiting to find the right man; a divorcee trying to rebuild her life.

This question has been asked by women in the past, and will be asked by women in the future too. It is a question that has no easy answers; with each relationship being completely different from another. The best one can do is to explore seven subjects that form the cornerstone of any relationship between men and women. These subjects hold the key for any woman to understand what men want.

1. Sex
What do men want in sex?
How frequent should be lovemaking?
Should it be passionate?
Should women have sex before marriage?

There is little doubt that most men are obsessed with sex. It is a biological need, and men should not be blamed for wanting sex. However, sex alone cannot build a long lasting relationship. It can bring a couple together but it cannot hold them together beyond a certain point.

What a woman must understand is that a man finds happiness and fulfillment in sex. A woman who is willing to reach out and unite in the act of lovemaking is most likely to win a man than a woman who uses sex as a manipulative tool.

Also, men are not ogres. They don’t go to women looking for sex alone. Most of them don’t want their partners to degrade themselves when making love to them. They would rather like all acts of lovemaking to be complete and fulfilling to both.

Men, in fact, agonize more than women if they are unable to excite their partners. This is because men can be easily aroused whereas it takes longer, and more foreplay in the case of women to get aroused.

There is little doubt that a man would like to take a woman to bed as quickly as possible. But few men want to make love if they find their partners are unwilling. Most of them don’t want to hurt or injure the feelings of a woman with whom they have developed a bonding or are in the process of doing so. Also, no man would insist on sex as a prerequisite to marriage.

Yes, every man has his fantasies about sex, and would like frequent and passionate sex with the woman he loves. One-night stands, as the name suggests, are only flings, not relationships.

2. Companionship
What kind of a companion does a man want?
How should women meet those needs?

Men want women with whom they can share their likes and dislikes, their fears and triumphs, their weaknesses and strengths… They want women who can empathize with their failures and revel in their triumphs.

Women who constantly find faults with their men are unlikely to win their love and respect. Every woman must remember that men are vain by nature. They need pampering, and even mothering. At the same time they need emotional fulfillment.

This does not mean that women have to become sports enthusiasts or political analysts to please their men. They only need to provide space to their men to follow their passions.

3. Homemakers
Should women be great cooks to win acceptance?
Should women alone be expected to keep house?
Is it a woman’s job to rear kids?

Today’s men respect the ambitions of women. They don’t want to relegate their wives to the role of a domestic help. They would like their women to do well in life. However, they would not like this to happen at the cost of their own careers.

Most women must realize that every man wants to be the main breadwinner. His male ego gets hurt if he has to depend on his wife to run the home. He would certainly expect his wife to cook for him on at least three to four days a week. He would also expect women to keep the home clean and well kept. The best that a man is willing to do is to extend a helping hand. But the woman has to be the main homemaker.

4. Emotional support
Should women give advice?
Are men open to points of view given by women?

Once again the male ego is too vain. It is not willing to listen easily to the advice given by better halves. Almost every man goes on the defensive when the woman he loves wants to correct him. He may accept the same advice from another male; but would be very reluctant to do so from a woman.

Women should therefore be careful. They should make men feel they can climb Mount Everest, if need be. They must encourage them by constantly telling them how much confidence they have in them. This will bring the best out of every man.

5. Looks matter
Should women doll up for men?
Is a woman’s figure important?
How important is it to dress up especially for men?

Men love beautiful women. They don’t want their woman to look dowdy. This is not only true at the time of dating but even after marriage. Women who allow their figures to slip are likely to loose the interest of their men. This may sound sexist but this is how life is. An attractive woman, who knows how to carry herself, will always turn male heads.

6. Private space
Why do men need time for themselves?
Are they hiding something?
Shouldn’t they share all their thoughts with me?

The best relationships are those where women are willing to wait; where they give time to their men to unwind themselves. They should not rush into their arms the moment they come home, and expect them to unburden themselves. Instead, they should wait for the right time when the man is more ready to share his inner thoughts. Even here, it is important to be patient, and encouraging. Don’t find faults with your man’s thinking; the chances are that he may shut himself off. Each man needs space to sort his thoughts. A woman can help him by being encouraging and understanding.

7. Respect
Do men need more respect than women?
How should a woman behave?

Finally, both men and women need respect if the relationship is to survive. This can only happen if a woman is willing to listen to her man. Also, a woman should respect a man’s interests even though they may be widely different from her. She should allow him necessary space to follow his interests which may be sports, politics or cards.

Women should learn to read between the lines if they want to earn the respect of their men.

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